The Boston Red Sox have won the 2011 World Series. What? You haven’t heard that news?! Red Sox Nation has declared their team the champions already. Too bad, all you baseball fans of different teams, better just pack it up and wait for next year. You didn’t get the memo yesterday? It reads like this:
To: All Major League Baseball Teams and Fans
From: Red Sox Nation
Subject: 2011 World Series
It is now official. We are proud to announce that the Red Sox are considered the World Champions of 2011. After having come from behind against the Yankees on Sunday night and beaten the immortal Mariano Rivera, the Sox have been victorious 10 times against the Bronx Bombers and have already won the Bos/NY season series. No need to play the remaining 6 games against our rivals. And following the logic that the Yankees are the only competition for the Red Sox, it is with great pride that we accept the title of World Champions once again.
Fenway Park will become a baseball mecca for all to bask in the stats of a team that was so good, so fantastic, that they only needed to play 115 games. From here on out, our team’s nickname will officially be The Best Team Ever Forever. As a matter of fact, we are changing the team’s name to a symbol: because there is no need to ever play another game of baseball. The Red Sox will win every game until climate change kills the planet. Let the record books state that the Boston Red Sox have a google wins and then some. Jacoby Ellsbury will always go 4 for 4, hit for the cycle, and find a cure for cancer. Jon Lester will pitch a perfect game every time he is handed the ball, even during his bullpen sessions. Adrian Gonzalez will bat barehanded without a bat and still have a .400 batting average. Yes, we are just that good.
We apologize for allowing you to cheer for another team during this 115 game season. You should know better than to waste time rooting against the Perpetual World Champion Red Sox. Enjoy the rest of your summer without baseball!
Love, Red Sox Nation
I can remember when the Red Sox were down 0-3 to the Yankees in the 2004 ALCS. Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy wrote a column saying that it is over, the curse is still alive. And we all know how that went down. It’s because the Boston fans always believe the stats from the past and look to the future, instead of enjoying the present. The old sports cliche–that’s why we play the games–is true. We play all the games because you can never truly predict the outcome; that’s what makes it fun. And it’s gonna be fun watching the Yankees (and the rest of the American League) try to make the Red Sox into the Best Team Ever Almost.
It gets late early out there.